It's the last night of our trip to Charleston to visit my brother and his family and Zephyr (5 years old) is not cooperating with bedtime. I'm tired and ready to be done parenting and finish packing for our early morning flight.

Zephyr is practically bouncing off the walls.

I notice my nervous system getting more and more charged and can tell I will eventually snap and loose my temper.

Three young children walking through the airport together hand in hand

"Zephyr, I'm feeling myself getting upset and am worried I might loose my temper if you don't cooperate with bedtime

It’s hard to convey what it’s like to sit in these circles. What happens when you’re honored to witness another man in their vulnerability. How it feels to hear yourself say out loud things that have been hiding in your heart. And how nice it is to laugh together to release the tension of intimacy. It’s a special kind of laughter.

I’ve got one hand propping open tonight’s bedtime story and the other wrapped vigilantly around the spray bottle.

Bella is about to pounce; I can smell it. Her eyes – dilated. Her tail,slithering slowly like a viper. Her ears - slicked back and streamlined for optimal striking speed.

The moment is palpable – I imagine it is how Doc Holiday felt just before Johnny Ringo’s demise.

She leaps, fangs flashing, claws wielding. I draw, squeezing the trigger so hard it breaks in my hand. I’m fast. She’s faster. I got her wet for sure, but she drew blood, and she knows she’s been victorious…

I hear this a lot from dads.

It’s a beautiful expression in a way.

The sentiment I take away from it is “I love my kid so much, and I know I’m not perfect and I’m afraid that my mistakes will have irreversible negative impacts on my kid.”

Sometimes we say things off the cuff without thinking about it too much. But sometimes those things we say point to hidden beliefs and subconscious orientations towards life/parenting/ourselves….

Rachael and I are having a new baby any day now. This past week my closest friends graced me with a ceremony honoring the transition of becoming a father of three. It was a surprisingly profound experience that helped shift something inside of me and I left feeling more grounded and ready for our family’s new arrival.

“Loneliness is the inability to share yourself with others.”

The potency of this struck me. It may be true that some people are so isolated, there may be no one to share with. But most of us are blessed with people who care about us. 

And yet that doesn’t prevent loneliness. 

It’s not that there’s no one out there willing to listen, it’s that we’re inhibited from sharing…

Little Zephyr is uncannily adorable. His smile melts hearts. His little voice softens you. I wish I could capture all of his facial expressions in a little jar so I could look at them when I’m feeling down. His blue eyes are so bright and clear you can almost see into the spirit world.

But he also has the ability to to rile me up and make me want to yell or scream. Being two, he learns by testing boundaries. He has very little capacity to self-regulate. He’s not developmentally capable of being reasoned with.

Whether we notice the Positive or the Negative makes a huge difference in our family’s experience.

"Don't do that sweetheart".

"No, you can't have that, please stop asking".

"Stop bugging your brother and give him some space."

"Why did you do that?!"

"Your room is a mess...again".

Welcome to my Saturday morning.

If the Council of Fathers has even remotely piqued your interest, you’re probably wanting to know a bit more about the Parenting Philosophy that’s central to it all or if there is one…